You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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