maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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