Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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