God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
