nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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