Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize