Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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