Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize