dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
