Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize