I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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