Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
