She just used a chaser for red wine.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
