you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
