you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
