He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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