Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
