I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
