i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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