then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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