i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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