here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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