Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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