DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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