Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
