Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
