Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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