I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
