I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
