my mouth tastes like poor choices
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Success! We fucked roommates!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
