I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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