i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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