i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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