I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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