weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
