I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
