Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
