Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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