And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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