This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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