Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
