I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
