I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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