if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
