She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
