Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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