I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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