Will you blow on my dice?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize