pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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