you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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