sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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