2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize