So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
