Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
