the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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