So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
