The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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