i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
