Im at strip club and am horny
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
