You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
