this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
