I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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