My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
