theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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